Archive for the ‘Creeps’ Category

Me: “Will you be having dessert this evening?”

Old Man: “I was going to ask for sex but I assume that isn’t on the menu….is it?”

Me: “Just a minute, I’ll ask our 6’5″ chef Hugo if he’s got any in the back.”


About these ads

I have been bartending for years and heard all kinds of pickup lines. Sometimes I have to take a step back and realize how stupid some guys are.

Her (talking to her girlfriend): “I like a guy who shaves daily. Stubble is annoying.”

Him (interrupting the conversation): “Then you should see my balls.”


Our restaurant is super strict on ID ing people. I ask this foreigner for his ID and he says ok “American Girl” like that is supposed to be some intense insult….so I said yes I am an American girl and this patriot needs to see your passport or you can see yourself out of my bar. What an asshole.


This 40 year old balding guy last night said, “you have very pretty eyes” I said, “thanks” he replied, “that’s just the first thing I said, not the first thing I thought.” then he gave me this creepy wink. I had other servers go to the table the rest of their meal! What a creep!


During my on the floor training (which i’ve recently finished), i went up to a table of two and introduced myself and my trainer. one of the people (both incredibly large women) asked my trainer “ooooh so can we spank him if he messes up?” without missing a beat my trainer responds with “that’s really up to him”…I watched them lick their lips…


I was working the lunch shift at a Steak House in San Gabriel, CA, and a party of 4 walked in. Two adults, and two kids; one of the kids, a 4 year old, was being breastfed (I know he was 4, because I asked their ages while we were making small talk). I started to take the order while he was munching on her rack, he stopped for a second, and ordered a New York steak, my jaw dropped to the floor. True story..the life of a Food Server.


A guy came in to eat with his family (a little girl and his pregnant wife). They were really really friendly and at first I thought it was a great table. The wife went to the bathroom and the guy asked for the check, and on the check he wrote his phone number in the tip area along with “call me baby”. I ran his card, waited until his wife came back, and brought over the guy’s card and his receipt. I handed the receipt to the pregnant woman and told her something was wrong with the tip. She got SUPER upset and I got in a lot of trouble with my managers for stirring shit.


I am a chef. A couple of years ago I was working on a carvery in a nice restaurant that had a reasonable lunch deal…

A lady walks in with her teenage son, alarm bells start to ring when she tries to order off the kids menu for him…. Anyways I slice her meat, she helps herself to veg and I head back into kitchen. 10 minutes later the waitress says lady would like to see me so I head out and she says there’s something wrong. She lifts up the meat, which I sliced and placed on a clean plate, and there are about 10 little squares of chopped up rubber band.

So I was like WTF are you trying to pull? WE DONT EVEN HAVE RUBBER BANDS IN THE KITCHEN YOU NUTTER!! Long story short after a 10 minute argument she boldly stands up, refuses to pay and just walks out. I don’t get some people…. also I hate to think how embarrassed her son was, unless she was training him?!?


I used to work at restaurants as a college student making balloon animals for tips. Every group of exclusively women would ask for a penis of some variation. One woman asked for MY penis, not with words, but by fondling it while she delivered my $3 tip into my apron…


I used to work at a bar, and in this bar we hosted poker tournaments at night, generally getting about 120 people through the door. The problem we had was that poker ran from 12am-4am. People would show up for poker and start drinking at 7. While generally everyone was pretty well behaved, we once had a huge roided up bloke come in to play. Getting towards the middle of the tournament, and there’s only 40 or so players left.

Roidasaurus Rex comes to the bar and asks for a drink, and I have to decline him service (In Australia, serving alcohol to an obviously intoxicated person can result in the server copping a $5500 fine). He walks back to his table, and continues playing. 10 minutes later he starts screaming at someone across the table, security show up and he picks up the edge of the poker table and flips it into the air, then he charges at the nearest security guard. It was a pretty vicious fight but security eventually got him under control and into a cop car. Roids and booze dont mix.