Archive for the ‘Dumb Customers’ Category

If you are a piece of shit redneck, and your credit card gets declined at the restaurant, and you can’t afford your food you ordered, and your letting your fat nasty kids drink mountain dew at 8 PM, the best thing to do is complain to the manager about your waitress and what “bad service” you had.

Because obviously your waitress is the problem.

Insert rage.

- Kathryn

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“My roast beef tastes too much like beef”…actual complaint, uh sir are you fucking kidding me, It will never cease to amaze me how dumb some people can be.

-Toni

We had a two top and initially we thought it was a date. Would have been the worst date ever though because the girl was on her phone the whole time. This is before smart phones mind you. She was just texting and talking to friends the whole time and didn’t give a second of attention to her companion.

He finishes up and excuses himself from the table for a moment and walks out into the lobby. He tells the hostess that that was his roommate with whom he’d made plans several day before to come out for a nice dinner. But since she treated him like he wasn’t there, he decided that she could pay the bill and find her own way home. Then he walked out the door and left.

-John

MY guests order some sort of drink from the bar. I always bring waters to my guests while I wait for their drinks. I bring the lady a water and she says “sir, this drink has no flavor”. while holding back my laughter I respond, “ma’am, that’s because it is water. it’s not supposed to have flavor”. the rest of the table busts out laughing, I kept my composure until I went to the bar. lol. you cant make this shit up.

-Candice

An actual question:

“Ummmm excuse me miss! Does your artichoke dip have artichokes in it??”

***face palm***

-Danny

Ugh I hate this conversation……

Customer: “uuuhh excuse me gurl, can I axe you a question?”

Me: “Yes ma’am?”

Customer: “If I was to be orderin my Long Island iced tea wif light ice dats means I get more alcohol rightttt?”

Me: (what I am thinking) “No you don’t get any more fucking alcohol you cheap asshole, and go tell all your ghetto friends that isn’t how it works anywhere on the fucking planet, we don’t just replace water with booze!”

(What I said) “No sorry ma’am the drink will be served in a smaller glass”

FML

-Brittany

Confetti Makers – People who find any little bits of paper on the table and tear them into tiny ass chunks, leaving a mess. Do you do this at home? Would you like your house guests to do this? This goes for people who peel labels off bottles…Are you nervous? Do you break out in OCD every time you are in a social environment? Is your company boring? WTF is going on with this? This rant is inspired by a table that literally made a mountain of ripped up coasters in the middle of the table. I didn’t even give them that many coasters to make a pile so big…

-Daniel

Our District Manager is such a creepy mouth-breather…. whenever he comes by, he stays the whole day and just walks around breathing down everyone’s neck and talks in this child molester voice and asks a billion questions at once: “Hey gal! How’s it going today? All your food coming out alright? Everything going okay? Have you tried our new dish? Been personalizing drink orders? Been giving great service? Have you been PERSONALIZING YOUR SERVICE?”

personalize my service… how about I personalize your face?

- Chrissy

You came into the restaurant today, mother and daughter, and you sat in my booth. You ordered steaks, one medium-well and the other well done. You both wanted broccoli and mashed potatoes, and I was happy to oblige.
I got a little busy, so my manager ran the steaks to your table. I ran by a minute later as you were eating and made sure that everything was okay. You said it was. Great, everyone’s happy.
I run the bill, you say everything was fine.
I come back to collect the bill and you stop me before I open it, though I see the corner of a dollar bill, so I know you’re paying in cash. “Do you want any change?” I asked, and you smiled and shook your head.
“No thank you,” you said. “But you should know, you switched our steaks.” You pointed at the single, bite-sized piece of steak left and scowled. It had the slightest hint of pink. “That is raw. I know there’s nothing to be done about it now, just thought you should know.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” What else could I say? You had cut into your steaks when I checked on you earlier. You were eating them. You were too stupid to switch your plates. “Can I do anything for you?”
“No thank you. Have a nice day!”
“You, too.”
So I walked away and went back to process your payment as you walked out the door.
You left me fifteen cents on $25 because you were too stupid to switch your plates.
You left me fifteen cents. I paid to wait on your stupid asses.

I thought that I had hit the low for customers, but this industry never ceases to shock and amaze.

-Hanna

Woman: I’d like the grilled salmon. Me: I’m sorry, unfortunately we’re out of salmon for tonight but we…

At this point I’m cut off as the woman looks up from her menu and says…

“What do you expect vegetarians to eat then?”

The look in her eye told me she wasn’t joking when she asked the question. I almost just gave the woman a ‘wat?’ but caught myself and directed her to the middle top portion of our menu where the fish and shellfish selections are located, thinking that maybe she thinks pescatarian and vegetarian are synonymous.

“I don’t eat fish or shellfish”

I’m just dumbfounded at this point and can only manage to say “Oh”. At which point, she throws her hands up in a fit and exasperates “I’ll just take the spinach dip”.

Crown gem after all of that was her question of “Can you just put a rush on that?” as she looks at the packed restaurant in the background.

I’m still not sure what she thinks salmon is; if she thinks it’s grown from the ground, picked from a tree or is just a conglomeration of other vegetables in the shape of a piece of fish.

Best five bucks on a $70 check I ever earned.

-Art