Archive for the ‘Funny’ Category

Don’t be vague. When you say, “I want a beer,” and I ask you what kind, don’t just say “the good kind.” I don’t know if you mean Bud Light or Blue Moon or Zipline Oatmeal Stout or Lucky Bucket Peach Wheat or WHAT. Don’t make us guess. If it’s up to me you get a framboise because I think its funny to say : )

-Tiffany

About these ads

My level of bullshit tolerance with clients is considered zen. I’m practically a Buddha at this point.

-Greg

Today I served an obese ginger family. There were 7 of them and they all needed extra ranch. I thought this was some kind of mathematical impossibility? Either way I could literally feel my soul being sucked out of my body every time I refilled a coke. Do you automatically get diabetes after 7 coke refills? Weeeellllll the fat version of the Weasly family from Harry Potter managed to rack up a $267.87 check only to leave $3.13 for my effort….my only consolation is that they would all probably burst into flames if the sun were to ever touch their creepy pale skin.

-Chris

Am I the only waitress out there that gets irrationally pissed off when a party brings in a giant birthday cake and they don’t offer me a slice?

-Kelsi

Do people take time to carve things into the toilet seats at your restaurant? Nothing says gangster like carving your gang symbol where people put their bare asses and take a shit? I guess that carving technique they learned in Shawshank State Penitentiary can finally reach the wide audience they dreamed about while sharpening shivs on Cell Block E. It’s finally happening for you homeboy.

-Jorge

I hate when people are standing in the middle of a pathway/in a doorway/in an outer corner where I am running food/drinks/extra ranch……MOVE bitch. Get out the way. Get out the way fo I run you over with this tray.

-Ileen

Of my 7ish table section I have the following:

A 2 top of foreigners who barely speak English let alone know what they ordered.
A 2 top at one of my 4 tops ( I have open 2s)
A 3 top of creepy inapporate rednecks
And a 6 top of children

Who wants to get a drink with me after work????

-Justene

Ok so Sunday I had this family at a table. 5 little boys and their parents. The first four little boys all ordered soda, and then the last little boy ordered a water. While he was ordering his dad interrupted by sternly saying that he had made poor choices last night so he only gets water. Without missing a beat I looked him straight in the eye and said I completely understand, when I make poor choices I drink a lot of water the next day too ; )

-Eve

Today I had a customer order a dish that comes with vegetables and mash potatoes. He asked if he could have an extra side of mashed potatoes and I informed him it would be $2.50 extra. With a heavy sigh, he agreed.

Did you think I could just give you extra food for free?

Anyway, the kitchen informs me that we are out of mashed potatoes and have cubed ones instead. I inform the man this and he goes BERZERK!

Man : WHAT!! Are you serious? You seriously don’t have mashed potatoes? How do you run out of mashed potatoes? Is this serious?

Me: Well sir, there are only 2 dishes on the menu that come with mashed potatoes, so they don’t prepare that much in the morning. If you like though we have the cubed potatoes, or could could do extra vegetables or pasta.

Man: But I want mashed potatoes!

Me: I’m really sorry sir, is there anything we can substitute instead?

Man: No, I want mashed potatotes and I won’t be happy unless I get them.

Me: I’m sorry sir.

He then gets up and walks out. After him and his wife already drank all their drink and ate their salads.

REDICKKK

- Sofia

For some reason the dishwasher has started to turn its self on, while its still open. FML.

-Dave