Me: “Hi, I’m Megan, I’ll be your waitress tonight.”

Customer: “Well, hi, I’m Joe and I’ll be your customer for tonight”

Oh, the laughs that were had. ._.

-Megan

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I am a host and its my job to make sure the restroom is clean. Today a man walks to the counter and tells me the bathroom is dirty. I walk into the bathroom and there is a pair of tighty whitys with a GIANT shit stain on them sitting right next to the toilet…. awesome.

-Trevor

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A guy falls asleep at the bar, so I tell his friends that he has to go. They say no problem, but they need help getting him into the car. So I pick him up and basically carry him to their car, while the friend goes to the drivers side the guy sobers up enough to stand and looks me in the eye and asks “Is my dick hanging out?” I reluctantly look down and say “No” He says “Well it better be, cause I’m pissin’.”

His friends just put him in the car and come back inside and keep drinking. about two hours later “sleepy piss pants” comes back into the bar with asphalt burns all over his head, hands, arms. yelling about “Some black guys” that jumped him. We check the surveillance footage, and the “Black guys” ended up being the parking lot. He stumbled his way out of the vehicle onto the pavement and proceeded to fight the parking lot. He lost. We all won. I wish I had saved that footage.

-Bobby

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Today I had a customer order a dish that comes with vegetables and mash potatoes. He asked if he could have an extra side of mashed potatoes and I informed him it would be $2.50 extra. With a heavy sigh, he agreed.

Did you think I could just give you extra food for free?

Anyway, the kitchen informs me that we are out of mashed potatoes and have cubed ones instead. I inform the man this and he goes BERZERK!

Man : WHAT!! Are you serious? You seriously don’t have mashed potatoes? How do you run out of mashed potatoes? Is this serious?

Me: Well sir, there are only 2 dishes on the menu that come with mashed potatoes, so they don’t prepare that much in the morning. If you like though we have the cubed potatoes, or could could do extra vegetables or pasta.

Man: But I want mashed potatoes!

Me: I’m really sorry sir, is there anything we can substitute instead?

Man: No, I want mashed potatotes and I won’t be happy unless I get them.

Me: I’m sorry sir.

He then gets up and walks out. After him and his wife already drank all their drink and ate their salads.

REDICKKK

- Sofia

Breakfast server here: Today two broke ass looking girls got sat at my table. I grab the coffee pot assuming these ratchets are going to need some caffeine. As I approach the table mess #1 says to mess #2 “I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?” I tried so hard not to laugh as I asked if they wanted coffee.

-John

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