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I am a host. At the host stand we have a bucket with crayons for little kids. On the way out of my restaurant a woman stopped at the host stand and started shoveling crayons into her purse. I said, “ma’am those are for children please stop stealing our crayons” she replied, ” Listen here missy don’t be tellin me what to do! besides you can afford to let me steal crayons” then she zipped up her giant purse and ran out of the restaurant. I was speechless.

-Samantha

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Me: “Will you be having dessert this evening?”

Old Man: “I was going to ask for sex but I assume that isn’t on the menu….is it?”

Me: “Just a minute, I’ll ask our 6’5″ chef Hugo if he’s got any in the back.”

-Kylie

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For some reason the dishwasher has started to turn its self on, while its still open. FML.

-Dave

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A “guest” walks up to the host stand with a plate of mostly eaten fries in her hand.

Woman: (rudely interrupting the hosts helping another guest) ‘Scuse me!! My waitress is “too busy” to come help our table
Host: What can we do for you, ma’am?
Woman: My fries is cold. I need new ones

Mind you, the woman was STILL chewing on fries

Host: (confused as to what to do) Well, let me find your server because we may need to charge you for a new side.
Woman: You ain’t charging me for no new fries!! These was cold. I ain’t satisfied

At this point, I step in to aid the obviously confused/annoyed hosts

Me: Ma’am, is there something I can help you with?
Woman: (again, rudely) She ALREADY helping me.
Me: Oh, well, why don’t you tell me where you are sitting and I can bring you a new plate of fresh, hot fries
Woman: I don’t know where the fuck my table is! I don’t know the number!!
Me: OK, well, how about you SHOW me where your table is so we can bring you those fries
Woman: You can come find me! Ima look the same sittin’ down!

-Tommy

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Are fucking gross, that is all.

-Jenny