Posts Tagged ‘Bars’

No Crying in The Club

Posted: May 12, 2013 in Drunk, Stories
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Guy was talking to his ex-girlfriend at the bar. He was crying, whining and begging for her to take him back. Loudly. From what I could tell, he didn’t cheat on her or anything, she just dumped him

She tells him, to his face, that maybe some day she will get back together with him, but she wants to be free and is probably going to have sex another guy that night, and points to a guy in a group she came with.

The guy starts crying, and saying “please don’t go home with that guy”, etc. The guy is literally begging.

She goes over to the guy she is going to fuck, and walks out with him while her ex boyfriend watches.

The dude just burst into tears. I felt so bad I did two shots with him and called him a cab.

-Jameson

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Give Me a Lindsey Lohan

Posted: May 12, 2013 in Funny, Stories
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Customer: “Give me a Lindsay Lohan”

Me: “What’s that?”

Customer: “A red-headed slut with a splash of Coke”

Me: “bahahahahahahaha”

-Chris

What’s Sign Language for Jager Bomb?

Posted: May 7, 2013 in Drunk, Stories
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I was bar-tending during the summer and an entire group came in and they were all deaf. They all wanted to do jagerbombs, apparently the sign for jager bombs is to put your hands up to your head as closed fists then open them up quickly to look like antlers…Now imagine 15 drunk deaf people doing the same thing…

-Tim

Little Man Tries to Pick a Fight With a Marine

Posted: May 6, 2013 in Fight, Stories
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I watched from behind the bar as a WASTED little man was trying to pick a fight with a Marine on leave.

He turned to the little guy trying to piss him off and goes, “Look, I get it. I let you hit me, you look like a hero. I beat you up, I just look like an asshole.” Pause. “I’m not afraid to look like an asshole.”

The guy sunk back and didn’t bother him for the rest of the night.

-Mike

Funny Old Lady

Posted: May 3, 2013 in Funny, Stories
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I used to bartend at a pizza place. One afternoon a middle aged couple came in with an old (80?) lady they referred to as Grandma. Grandma seemed a little confused and they talked to her like she was a child. The middle aged lady made a comment about being hungry and then Grandma says very loudly, “Have you ever been so hungry you could eat the ass out of a dead skunk?” I almost fell over behind the bar I was laughing so hard.

-Trevor

Restaurant Randomness

Posted: April 29, 2013 in Photos, Restaurant Randomness
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Mom, Please Stop It

Posted: April 24, 2013 in Stories
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Bartending at one of those chain restaurants. Well, one day a youngish and well-groomed guy walked in with who I assumed was a cougar. It seemed like they were on some sort of date. For about twenty minutes, all the woman did was talk about different sexual positions, ways to achieve an orgasm. Finally, she loudly approached the topic of anal sex. The young man buried his head in his hands and screamed “Mom, please stop it.” Gave him a shot on the house.

-Hal

Then You Should See My Balls

Posted: April 24, 2013 in Stories
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I have been bartending for years and heard all kinds of pickup lines. Sometimes I have to take a step back and realize how stupid some guys are.

Her (talking to her girlfriend): “I like a guy who shaves daily. Stubble is annoying.”

Him (interrupting the conversation): “Then you should see my balls.”

-Johnny

Female Bartender Advice

Posted: April 11, 2013 in Stories
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Female bartender here: please don’t call me baby, sweetie, etc. I’ll hold off serving you and make you weak drinks for the rest of the night.

-Amanda

Then he Eats Shit Down the Stairs

Posted: April 6, 2013 in Drunk, Stories
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One of my first few nights working in a busy nightclub and a hockey game lets out. Everyone is already hammered coming in the door and we’re getting run over.

I run downstairs to an employee-only area to get some back stock, and I find this guy propped up against a wall, dick out, peeing all over our paper supply shelf (napkins, silverware wraps, towels, etcetera). I yell, “ARE YOU SERIOUS.” He looks up at me, dick still in his hand, and screams back “YEP.” He stuffs it in his pants and tries to bolt, but he’s so dunk that he eats shit down the stairs and knocks himself out. The paramedics had to take him out of there!

-Colin

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