Posts Tagged ‘drunk’

A guy falls asleep at the bar, so I tell his friends that he has to go. They say no problem, but they need help getting him into the car. So I pick him up and basically carry him to their car, while the friend goes to the drivers side the guy sobers up enough to stand and looks me in the eye and asks “Is my dick hanging out?” I reluctantly look down and say “No” He says “Well it better be, cause I’m pissin’.”

His friends just put him in the car and come back inside and keep drinking. about two hours later “sleepy piss pants” comes back into the bar with asphalt burns all over his head, hands, arms. yelling about “Some black guys” that jumped him. We check the surveillance footage, and the “Black guys” ended up being the parking lot. He stumbled his way out of the vehicle onto the pavement and proceeded to fight the parking lot. He lost. We all won. I wish I had saved that footage.


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I just cleaned up green puke amd its only 11:12 a.m.


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16 types of drunk chicks

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I had a woman order a shot of “Jose Swerve-Oh”…..Then proceed to tell me about her 3 DUIs


At the first nightclub I worked at:

  • Someone took a shit on the dance floor. People just danced around it for about 15 minutes before anyone who could clean it up was notified.
  • A French couple were having sex at a table that was literally in the only part of the establishment that was lit, about 5 feet away from the bar. Not even subtly, her skirt was on the floor his pants were round his ankles and she was riding him hard.
  • People frequently took shits in the urinals. I don’t even know why we had a ton of stalls.
  • A guy started throwing glasses against the wall and breaking them. We notified the two main bouncers who were brothers, 6’6 and 290 lb Polish boxers. This 5’9 skinny as fuck drunk guy decided it was a good idea to take a swing at Marius. I’ve never seen someone literally open doors with a guys head as he carries him but the brothers managed to do it 4 times before literally hurling him into the alley out back. This club was next door to a police station and this idiot decided to start kicking their cars. Arrested on the spot.


There is a twatty drunk sorority girl at my bar asking for a glass of “peanut grigio”


Bartender at an Applebees: One night this total redneck (long hair, scruffy beard) comes in, sits at the bar, and after i give him a few beers i notice he’s annihilated (must have been drinking before) so i cut him off. He’s not happy with this but rules are rules so whatever. Anyways I go to the bathroom and on the way back hear the barback, who was this tiny girl, yelling at him to stop. He has gone behind the bar and is trying to pry the cash register open with a spoon. I confront him and tell him to knock it off or i’m calling the cops, and he says “GO AHEAD, CALL THE FUCKING COPS… ITS A FREE COUNTRY.” So i phone the police and they show up about 5 minutes later.

So the cops show up (at this point he was back on the other side of the bar) and ask him for his ID. “ID, YOU WANT TO SEE MY ID?” he yells, and takes off his wife beater. He’s got an enormous tattoo of a bald eagle with the american flag behind it on his chest, and he points to it and yells at the cops “THERES MY FUCKING ID! THAT GOOD NUFF FOR YAH! USA USA (he seriously started chanting that.)” So the cops promptly walk him out, in hand cuffs.


I watched from behind the bar as a WASTED little man was trying to pick a fight with a Marine on leave.

He turned to the little guy trying to piss him off and goes, “Look, I get it. I let you hit me, you look like a hero. I beat you up, I just look like an asshole.” Pause. “I’m not afraid to look like an asshole.”

The guy sunk back and didn’t bother him for the rest of the night.