Posts Tagged ‘Funny’

I used to work at restaurants as a college student making balloon animals for tips. Every group of exclusively women would ask for a penis of some variation. One woman asked for MY penis, not with words, but by fondling it while she delivered my $3 tip into my apron…

-Chad

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“My roast beef tastes too much like beef”…actual complaint, uh sir are you fucking kidding me, It will never cease to amaze me how dumb some people can be.

-Toni

I happened to be waitressing one evening when I large tourist family of seven sits down. Long story short, the father kept sending his food back insisting it wasn’t what he ordered. Then he demanded a free meal for his whole family. My boss came out, handled the shit out of the situation. But then the wife gets up crying, yelling that he always does this, and then flings her drink at her husband and storms off.

-Violet

An actual question:

“Ummmm excuse me miss! Does your artichoke dip have artichokes in it??”

***face palm***

-Danny

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Confetti Makers – People who find any little bits of paper on the table and tear them into tiny ass chunks, leaving a mess. Do you do this at home? Would you like your house guests to do this? This goes for people who peel labels off bottles…Are you nervous? Do you break out in OCD every time you are in a social environment? Is your company boring? WTF is going on with this? This rant is inspired by a table that literally made a mountain of ripped up coasters in the middle of the table. I didn’t even give them that many coasters to make a pile so big…

-Daniel

How do you gracefully cut off your own mother when she has had too much to drink…Bartender problems.

-Chase

OMG! It was almost closing time and there were barely any people in the restaurant. I finished my last table and my side work and go to find my shift lead (our restaurant has a policy that you need to get signed out by a shift lead) I look every-where for this guy…After looking for him for 20 minutes I decided to sign my self out and go to our walk in fridge to grab my leftovers from break. Guess who is in the walk in! My shift lead having sex with the hostess!

-Stacy

Tonight I witnessed someone eat a juicy medium rare bacon wrapped filet mignon with ketchup

*facepalm*

-Brandon

I was training at a new restaurant. My trainer and I get sat a party of eight. Couples. Business guys taking the wives out for a night on the town. Cocktails flow. Appetizers disappear. Finally my trainer is making the rounds, taking orders. He’s already discussed the night’s specials in detail, already sold a couple of $40+ entrees. He gets to The Loud Guy. This guy has a few drinks in him and has decided to impress everyone with how awesome and knowledgeable he is. So of course he asks my trainer to repeat all the specials. He does. Dude starts drilling down to specific ingredients, even asking what kind of herbs are in the béarnaise sauce (it’s tarragon, moron, it’s a fucking béarnaise sauce).

Now, this is at 8 PM on a Friday night and we have 3 other tables of 4 already seated. I’m doing what I can, but my trainer is trapped at this eight-top. Loud Guy keeps asking stupid questions and wanting to chat.
Finally my trainer says, “Sir? I’m sorry, but I have other tables that need my attention. May I take your order?”
Loud guy freaks. How rude, blah blah blah.
My trainer looks at him and says, “I’m sorry sir, I didn’t realize I was here to entertain you.” And then he starts dancing. Like, John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever disco moves. He boogies around the whole table, says to me “Get this guy’s order!” and pelvic-thrusts his way back to the kitchen, leaving the eight-top speechless.
The guy ordered a steak. Medium well. Asshole.

-Annie