Posts Tagged ‘how to be a waiter’

We had a two top and initially we thought it was a date. Would have been the worst date ever though because the girl was on her phone the whole time. This is before smart phones mind you. She was just texting and talking to friends the whole time and didn’t give a second of attention to her companion.

He finishes up and excuses himself from the table for a moment and walks out into the lobby. He tells the hostess that that was his roommate with whom he’d made plans several day before to come out for a nice dinner. But since she treated him like he wasn’t there, he decided that she could pay the bill and find her own way home. Then he walked out the door and left.

-John

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Don’t be vague. When you say, “I want a beer,” and I ask you what kind, don’t just say “the good kind.” I don’t know if you mean Bud Light or Blue Moon or Zipline Oatmeal Stout or Lucky Bucket Peach Wheat or WHAT. Don’t make us guess. If it’s up to me you get a framboise because I think its funny to say : )

-Tiffany

Our District Manager is such a creepy mouth-breather…. whenever he comes by, he stays the whole day and just walks around breathing down everyone’s neck and talks in this child molester voice and asks a billion questions at once: “Hey gal! How’s it going today? All your food coming out alright? Everything going okay? Have you tried our new dish? Been personalizing drink orders? Been giving great service? Have you been PERSONALIZING YOUR SERVICE?”

personalize my service… how about I personalize your face?

- Chrissy

Woman: I’d like the grilled salmon. Me: I’m sorry, unfortunately we’re out of salmon for tonight but we…

At this point I’m cut off as the woman looks up from her menu and says…

“What do you expect vegetarians to eat then?”

The look in her eye told me she wasn’t joking when she asked the question. I almost just gave the woman a ‘wat?’ but caught myself and directed her to the middle top portion of our menu where the fish and shellfish selections are located, thinking that maybe she thinks pescatarian and vegetarian are synonymous.

“I don’t eat fish or shellfish”

I’m just dumbfounded at this point and can only manage to say “Oh”. At which point, she throws her hands up in a fit and exasperates “I’ll just take the spinach dip”.

Crown gem after all of that was her question of “Can you just put a rush on that?” as she looks at the packed restaurant in the background.

I’m still not sure what she thinks salmon is; if she thinks it’s grown from the ground, picked from a tree or is just a conglomeration of other vegetables in the shape of a piece of fish.

Best five bucks on a $70 check I ever earned.

-Art

When I was 8 months pregnant, I was graceful as a hippo and hustling around a truck stop dining room usually served by 3 waitresses, by myself because a blizzard had closed the highways my relief shift took to get to work – I was confronted by a group of 6 who wanted to change their order every time I went by the table to freshen their coffees.

The cook I worked with was a hard ass – he figured if a ticket got changed a lot, it was because the waitress had messed up – and he was fierce – I trembled, putting the changed ticket back up and said, “I’m so sorry – but they keep changing it every time I walk by.” He paused from slicing steaks, did not lay down the knife and growled, “What table is it?” I told him and he disappeared in the back dining room.

The meal was served, customers happy and I clear the table after they leave to find a total of $154 dollars in tip scattered around the table – to this day, 22 years later, I don’t know what he said, or how much he waved the knife while he said it, but his protective spirit bought my baby’s first car seat….

God Bless cooks who stick up for the wait staff!

- Tamra

I greet a table and before I get a chance to finish saying hi this woman blurts out, “DO YOU HAVE ICEBERG LETTUCE!?” I say yes then this broad follows her question with “good, I want a salad with iceberg lettuce instead of green lettuce….because I am allergic to green lettuce.” WTF….ICEBERG LETTUCE IS GREEN….****Face Palm****

-Chris

I am pretty sure 75% of the waiting staff at my restaurant are going to be more drunk than their customers this Cinco de Mayo….

- James

Walked up to my table having an argument, this is what I heard her say right before I introduced myself:

“Maybe if your dick was thicker than your goddamn eyebrows we wouldn’t be having this conversation”

Awkward…..

-Chris

When people argue with each other right in front of me. I don’t need to know whether or not he did the dishes or how often she nags you for things you already did, I just want to know what you want to drink.

-Rachel