Posts Tagged ‘how to be a waiter’

Walked up to my table having an argument, this is what I heard her say right before I introduced myself:

“Maybe if your dick was thicker than your goddamn eyebrows we wouldn’t be having this conversation”

Awkward…..

-Chris

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When people argue with each other right in front of me. I don’t need to know whether or not he did the dishes or how often she nags you for things you already did, I just want to know what you want to drink.

-Rachel

A lady asked me if we had any VEGAN omelettes.  I then told her we had a vegetarian omelette but I’m pretty sure vegan omelettes don’t exist since omelettes usually have eggs in them.  She asked to talk to my boss about my “attitude problem” *Face Palm*

-Travis

A party of 7 high schoolers come in and take a high-top table. I was the person to take their table. I get sodas and breadsticks for them, nothing weird.

Fast forward 5 minutes, several of our cooks start coughing uncontrollably. I walk out front and the entire front-of-house is in coughing fits. People are leaving. Still unaware of what the actual fuck is going on, I walk up to my table and my throat starts on fire and my eyes and nose start running uncontrollably.

Turns out, one of the girls was given pepper spray by her parents. One of the guys, thinking it was funny, sprayed it under the table for a lengthy period of time. It cleared the restaurant, it went through the ventilation into the back, EVERYWHERE. Police were called and took both the kid and the girl away and I was sent to the hospital as my face would not stop leaking.

We didn’t press charges but it could have been serious if we did, that is considered food tampering with a poisonous substance. (I can’t recall verbatim). Use of a weapon in public, and much more.

-Ramon

Please if you’re sick keep your sick ass at home. And if your child is to sick to go to school then don’t bring them out for breakfast or lunch. We don’t want to get your sickness, we don’t have sick days.

- Amy

Guest: “I want a virgin margaritas on the rocks.”

Me: “Ok”

Guest: “This tastes like straight margarita mix!! I’m very dissatisfied! “

Me (Thinking): “What the fuck did you think you were ordering?”

-Chris

Had someone send back pita bread because… it “didn’t taste organic.” The sound of my facepalm could be heard miles away.

-Kelly

Worked at a Mexican place that gave free chips and salsa out. Lady’s meal arrives after she plowed through 3 bowls of salsa and 4 baskets of chips. She ordered cheese enchiladas. She see’s a piece of onion in the cheese, and demands we remake it.

I say no problem and have the chef remake it. When I drop it off she starts yelling about how she’s allergic to onions, and how stupid I am, and she’s also not paying. Once she shut up, I asked if I should call an ambulance because she just ate a ton of onions via the 3 bowls of salsa she had eaten. Back pedaling, she says she didn’t see any onions in there. I stand firm and ask her again if I should call 911 for an allergic reaction. I think she knew she was caught lying, and suddenly got quiet and was a little nicer.

-Brandon

I work at a breakfast joint, this guy ordered an omelet with spinach instead of red onions, cheddar cheese instead of mushrooms, artichokes instead of black olives and anchovies instead of green peppers with extra cheese and bacon added to the whole thing (wait, will that be an up charge?). That’s not even vaguely the same thing chief. The kitchen was pissed.

-Trevor

I had 7 tables …1 of of them spoke English.

-Dan