Posts Tagged ‘random’
Tags: food, food service stories, how to be a server, Humor, life, musings, random, restaurant, sex, waiter problems
When you’re with the woman who’s not your wife, you’re a lot nicer to us, probably because YOU know that WE know it’s not your wife, because you’re a regular and we know your wife.
Tags: food, ginger, Humor, life, musing, opinion, poetry, random, stupid people, waiter problems, waiting tables
Today I served an obese ginger family. There were 7 of them and they all needed extra ranch. I thought this was some kind of mathematical impossibility? Either way I could literally feel my soul being sucked out of my body every time I refilled a coke. Do you automatically get diabetes after 7 coke refills? Weeeellllll the fat version of the Weasly family from Harry Potter managed to rack up a $267.87 check only to leave $3.13 for my effort….my only consolation is that they would all probably burst into flames if the sun were to ever touch their creepy pale skin.
Tags: Bad Tippers, crazy, Disgusting, Dumb People, food, food service, gospel, Humor, life, musings, opinion, random, restaurants, server stories, waiter stories
So this woman wanted a tuna sandwich. You know, everyday tuna on the bread with some vegetables. I scoop, I spread. Suddenly she flips her shit, waving her arms, pointing at the glass. Yeah, who knew drunken banshees loved tuna…in balls.
That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, she didn’t want her tuna spread like a normal human being would.
“I want my tuna in balls!” she cried. “In baaalllsss! That looks nasty, I don’t want it spread on dat bread. I want balls!”
And in the back of my head, dear readers, I think: You want a cucumber and a condom with that too?
Tags: bartender stories, drinks, food, Humor, life, man on man, musings, random, sexual tension
Had two regulars that would come in for Bears games like clockwork. Never missed a game in the two years I worked there. Nice guys married with kids and working as house painters. One looked like Michael Chiklis the other looked like Ned from Groundhog’s day. One day they get fall down sloppy and start causing a ruckus. I tell them that they have to clear out and they stumble to the sidewalk. Five minutes later everyone in the bar is gathering around the front window. I look out and these two dudes are making out in the middle of Clark Street. Never saw them again.
Tags: Bars, cheap, crazy, drinks, food, Humor, life, musings, over reacting, random, restaurant, waiter horror stories, waiter memes, waitress problems, WTF
Today I had a customer order a dish that comes with vegetables and mash potatoes. He asked if he could have an extra side of mashed potatoes and I informed him it would be $2.50 extra. With a heavy sigh, he agreed.
Did you think I could just give you extra food for free?
Anyway, the kitchen informs me that we are out of mashed potatoes and have cubed ones instead. I inform the man this and he goes BERZERK!
Man : WHAT!! Are you serious? You seriously don’t have mashed potatoes? How do you run out of mashed potatoes? Is this serious?
Me: Well sir, there are only 2 dishes on the menu that come with mashed potatoes, so they don’t prepare that much in the morning. If you like though we have the cubed potatoes, or could could do extra vegetables or pasta.
Man: But I want mashed potatoes!
Me: I’m really sorry sir, is there anything we can substitute instead?
Man: No, I want mashed potatotes and I won’t be happy unless I get them.
Me: I’m sorry sir.
He then gets up and walks out. After him and his wife already drank all their drink and ate their salads.
Tags: closing time, Dumb People, how to be a waitress, Humor, life, musings, opinion, random, waitress problems
Customer: “Are you guys closed?”
Me: (After locking the door, putting up the closed sign, and turning off the lights) “No we just like to sit in here with the lights off and the doors locked.”
Tags: food service, host problems, how to be a host, Humor, life, musings, random, work
I was a host for a busy seafood place and the waiters were dumb as rocks, so I used to mess with them all the time. One story sticks out:
Waitress: My customer wants to know where this fish is from?
Me: The Sea of Tranquility.
Giggle, giggle, heel-spin, and she’s telling the table where its from.
*1 minute later*
Waitress: You are such a fucking asshole!
Tags: Bartender, bat tip, breakroomstories, Dumb People, food, food drinks, food service, food service horror stories, Funny, Horrible Customers, Kids, life, musings, opinion, random, restaurants, Server, Stories, Waiter, waitress problems, WTF
Once a customer wrote ‘shit food chef’ incredibly neatly in the sauce on his plate. I was amazed at the detail and symmetry of his lettering.