Archive for the ‘Creeps’ Category

A guy came in to eat with his family (a little girl and his pregnant wife). They were really really friendly and at first I thought it was a great table. The wife went to the bathroom and the guy asked for the check, and on the check he wrote his phone number in the tip area along with “call me baby”. I ran his card, waited until his wife came back, and brought over the guy’s card and his receipt. I handed the receipt to the pregnant woman and told her something was wrong with the tip. She got SUPER upset and I got in a lot of trouble with my managers for stirring shit.


I am a chef. A couple of years ago I was working on a carvery in a nice restaurant that had a reasonable lunch deal…

A lady walks in with her teenage son, alarm bells start to ring when she tries to order off the kids menu for him…. Anyways I slice her meat, she helps herself to veg and I head back into kitchen. 10 minutes later the waitress says lady would like to see me so I head out and she says there’s something wrong. She lifts up the meat, which I sliced and placed on a clean plate, and there are about 10 little squares of chopped up rubber band.

So I was like WTF are you trying to pull? WE DONT EVEN HAVE RUBBER BANDS IN THE KITCHEN YOU NUTTER!! Long story short after a 10 minute argument she boldly stands up, refuses to pay and just walks out. I don’t get some people…. also I hate to think how embarrassed her son was, unless she was training him?!?


I used to work at a bar, and in this bar we hosted poker tournaments at night, generally getting about 120 people through the door. The problem we had was that poker ran from 12am-4am. People would show up for poker and start drinking at 7. While generally everyone was pretty well behaved, we once had a huge roided up bloke come in to play. Getting towards the middle of the tournament, and there’s only 40 or so players left.

Roidasaurus Rex comes to the bar and asks for a drink, and I have to decline him service (In Australia, serving alcohol to an obviously intoxicated person can result in the server copping a $5500 fine). He walks back to his table, and continues playing. 10 minutes later he starts screaming at someone across the table, security show up and he picks up the edge of the poker table and flips it into the air, then he charges at the nearest security guard. It was a pretty vicious fight but security eventually got him under control and into a cop car. Roids and booze dont mix.


Once, when I was bussing a table, someone sitting nearby asked it would be ok if they finished some of the leftover food I was about to put into my tub.
I said,” you really want to eat this?” pointing at the left over steak. random diner, “Ya, if you are just gonna throw it out.”…….gross ewww.


I was seated with a two-top in a corner table so I went over to get their drinks. This couple was the kind of people that would be more likely to frequent a trashy bar. We are not upscale by any means, and we do serve hard alcohol, but we are more of a family restaurant. After bringing them their beers I first asked the woman what she would like. Just a cup of the tomato soup. Ok. No problem. I look to the guy who just has the cringeworthy look of a total scumbag. You know the type.

“What can I get for you sir?”

“Oh, I’m not getting anything else tonight. The only thing I’ll be eating tonight…
(puts is hand to his mouth and his trashy self leans in towards my face and with a half whisper half shout exclaims)
is her Vagina!”

They both laughed. I walked away.

She didn’t like the soup.


I had a 3 top tonight and these “gentlemen” wrote SEXY were the tip is supposed to go…Sorry guys sexy doesn’t pay the bills!


So this happened to me today: “Waiter-boy, I see you have Prime Rib, you gots any thing like da McRib?”


So I’m serving this table a couple weeks ago and at the end of the meal they order coffees and proceed to pitch a tent. After about 10 minutes with their coffees and hot chocolates (there’s a couple of kids no older than 10) there dad or uncle or whoever whips out a deck of cards and when I come back to do refills I notice that these cards are like 60-70’s playboy porn cards. A picture of a different naked chick on the back of every card. I mean these kids are no older than 10 and it’s only who I can assume is there father with another man around the same age and they are playing cards. The whole idea of people playing cards in the kind of upscale steakhouse I work at is in itself strange but I was totally befuddled so I just ignored it.


I worked at an all night diner for a year. I have a story for every night I was there, but one really stands out in my memory. There was an old guy who came several times a week. He was very quiet, and always sat in my section. One night he confessed that he came in just to see me. That same night he went into detail about his job before he retired. He was head of a breast milk research facility(they have those?), and swore that he could guess the size of any woman’s fun bags based on his previous experience. He guessed my size perfectly. He went on to explain the uses of breast milk in healthy adult life including his habit of drinking donated colostrum to prevent illness. He asked if I was currently lactating.

The bar was raised on creeper status.


A customer asked for a milkshake, but didn’t want any ice-cream in it. So I chilled the glass for a few minutes, used milk from the coldest fridge we had, then took it to her. A few minutes later she called me over, complaining it was too warm. There wasn’t much I could do to make it any colder, and I explained that to her, when all of a sudden she bursts out “Taste it! Taste how warm it is! TASTE THE MILKSHAKE.”