Archive for the ‘Drunk’ Category

I work as a barback/busser in a campus pub. One night we had a traffic light party (Wear red if you’re taken, yellow if it’s complicated, green if you’re single) and it was getting pretty damn sloppy. So I’m clearing glasses off tables, and there’s this girl with two guys on either side of her with their arms around her shoulders (and not to mention massive knockers…).

Cool as a cucumber, one of the guys leans over and says “So how do you feel about getting Eiffel Tower’d tonight?”

-Tommy

I bartend at a popular bar in Vegas. Lemme tell you about bachelorette parties. It’s always a bunch of cock-hungry, belligerently drunk shreiking she-beasts groping anything that looks remotely like a penis. Seriously, if guys acted the same way towards females they would be done for sexual assault. 9/10 times the toilets will end up clogged and at least 2 women will talk your ear off for 20 minutes how much of an asshole her boyfriend/husband/booty call is, then attempt to stroke your face and take you to their hotel room whilst throwing up over themselves.

Tips are generally good though.

-Brock

I am a waitress at Hooters. One day a guys softball team came in and had already been drinking, and they all decided to get even more plastered. One guy said he would give me a $100 tip if he could drink beer out of my sneaker. I asked the manager if it was OK and he said go for it. So I took off my dainty sneaker and he chugs some bud lite out of it with the whole restaurant cheering him on. He THEN proceeds to exclaim “I’ll drink beer out of any shoe in this place!” My manager gets an evil glint in his eye and goes to the back where there’s been this one loan size 13 sneaker that’s been kicking around for months.

It’s been caked in raw chicken wing juices and flour, and is totally crusty and disgusting. He presents it to the patron and says “here ya go…”. Again, the entire restaurant starts cheering him on. My manager fills up the shoe and waits as this guy stares down the shoe for a good 3 minutes (during this time the beer is hydrating and reconstituting all that caked on goodness btw) before finally pounding it down. Everyone cheers and claps, while they’re around the table, right as this dude pukes all over the table! ewww!!!! He was so embarrassed he took off. Luckily one of the other guys at the table was really cool about it and ended up giving me $40 extra on top of the 20% tip for the table.

-Nicole

I used to work at a bar, and in this bar we hosted poker tournaments at night, generally getting about 120 people through the door. The problem we had was that poker ran from 12am-4am. People would show up for poker and start drinking at 7. While generally everyone was pretty well behaved, we once had a huge roided up bloke come in to play. Getting towards the middle of the tournament, and there’s only 40 or so players left.

Roidasaurus Rex comes to the bar and asks for a drink, and I have to decline him service (In Australia, serving alcohol to an obviously intoxicated person can result in the server copping a $5500 fine). He walks back to his table, and continues playing. 10 minutes later he starts screaming at someone across the table, security show up and he picks up the edge of the poker table and flips it into the air, then he charges at the nearest security guard. It was a pretty vicious fight but security eventually got him under control and into a cop car. Roids and booze dont mix.

-Mic

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alcohol shots thirty recipes

There are currently 15 smoking hot girls at my bar wearing lingerie and some kid of ears….I love Halloween

-Spencer

One of my first few nights working in a busy nightclub and a hockey game lets out. Everyone is already hammered coming in the door and we’re getting run over.

I run downstairs to an employee-only area to get some back stock, and I find this guy propped up against a wall, dick out, peeing all over our paper supply shelf (napkins, silverware wraps, towels, etcetera). I yell, “ARE YOU SERIOUS.” He looks up at me, dick still in his hand, and screams back “YEP.” He stuffs it in his pants and tries to bolt, but he’s so dunk that he eats shit down the stairs and knocks himself out. The paramedics had to take him out of there!

-Colin

20 drunken girls come stumbling in 20 min before closing the bar, and ask for 6 flaming lamborghinis, 15 jager bombs, 3 jugs of sangria, a round of rainbow shots and two pints of a draft which just needs a keg change. My manager says serve em’. Kill me now.

-Leo

Group of college kids at my table. They drink round after round of “Jager Bombs” and “Vodka Red Bull.”

So this one kid, the tallest and goofiest looking one (white dude, 6’6″ with a huge afro and lanky as hell) takes his 6ish Jagerbomb and IMMEDIATELY pukes it back up. He tries to throw it back up into the cup he drank it from (Pro tip: It doesn’t work) but ended up puking on the floor.

Dude stumbles is way over to the bathroom like a cartoon giraffe on roller skates and passes out in the stall.

-Angela

Customer: “Give me a Lindsay Lohan”

Me: “What’s that?”

Customer: “A red-headed slut with a splash of Coke”

Me: “bahahahahahahaha”

-Chris