Archive for the ‘Dumb Customers’ Category

Tonight I witnessed someone eat a juicy medium rare bacon wrapped filet mignon with ketchup

*facepalm*

-Brandon

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If you request NO MEAT in your salad, there is no reason to be discouraged, confused, and/or angry when you discover that your salad is also “bacon-less”.

-Danielle

A lady once threw a tea-spoon at me because she wanted me to refill her iced tea.

However, she didn’t notice I had already filled her glass when I walked past her table. She must have been too busy horking down a veal parmesan the size of a hubcap in front of her.

When I walked up and asked her why she felt the need to throw a hard, metal object at me to get my attention, she said: “I need you to fill my…” (looks down) “…oh. You must ha– … huh… nevermind.”

As I was walking to get my manager, I heard her hiss at her husband, “No, I’m not going to apologize to A WAITER!”

-Mark

A couple orders food together. Man gets a plain hamburger and the female gets a hamburger ketchup only. They come back up together and the man says he ordered it plain but got ketchup and the girl says she wanted ketchup but got a hamburger plain. I still don’t know if they were trolling but all I could do was gesture for them to switch hamburgers as I was dumbfounded.

-John

Every time this regular comes in, he rustles my damn jimmies by just flat out refusing to speak to me until he absolutely must. He’ll walk in, I’ll give him a big smile and say something friendly like “Afternoon sir, good to see you again” or whatever… and he’ll sort of glance at me and walk past me and start looking around the restaurant, checking for his friends or deciding what table he wants. I’ll go, “Joining us for lunch? How many in your party today?” And he’ll shrug without looking at me and wander towards his favorite table.

If I’m really lucky, sometimes he’ll hold up a number of fingers to indicate how many friends he’s expecting. If he’s getting takeout, he’ll ignore my greeting and stick his head over the counter to where we have the specials posted in the wait station (for the staff’s use – we have them posted very obviously in a convenient spot outside for customers). Not a word from him until he’s ready to order. And he never acts particularly cranky… the vibe is very clearly just “you’re beneath me, I don’t need to talk to you.” So damn rude.

-Amanda

I work at an upscale restaurant in a hotel. Last Friday night I had this couple come in clearly on a date. She looked ridiculous big fake boobs, big hair, pounds of make-up, designer bag clearly HIGH MAINTENCE. I introduce myself and step away from the table…when I do the “gentleman” comes up behind me and says, “Listen bro…she is going to order premium everything…Goose, Patron, mixed with Pellegrino and who knows what else…give her WELL everything none of that expensive sh!T…BUT TELL HER IT’S PREMIUM…I am paying the bill and I will hook you up,” I do it she doesn’t notice annnd this asshole tips 5%. Thanks BRO…

-Kyle

So this woman wanted a tuna sandwich. You know, everyday tuna on the bread with some vegetables. I scoop, I spread. Suddenly she flips her shit, waving her arms, pointing at the glass. Yeah, who knew drunken banshees loved tuna…in balls.

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, she didn’t want her tuna spread like a normal human being would.

“I want my tuna in balls!” she cried. “In baaalllsss! That looks nasty, I don’t want it spread on dat bread. I want balls!”

And in the back of my head, dear readers, I think: You want a cucumber and a condom with that too?

-Var

Me: “Hey, how are you doing this evening?”

Customer: “Bud Light”

I’ve never felt “Bud Light” before, but it doesn’t sound pleasant.

-Tom

I worked at an all night diner next to a string of bars. Once I had a drunk guy throw a hot plate of spaghetti at me and it hit its target, my face. I was so mad that while my face was blistering I didn’t even notice. I looked over at the manager and he just shot me one of those “Fuck it” looks. So I chased the guy out of the joint and down the street where he stumbled and fell to the ground face first knocking out a few of his front teeth and fucking up his lip pretty good. I wanted so badly to just beat the shit out of him but several of the regulars had followed us out into the street and stopped me before I could touch him. Definitely for the best. The guy ended up getting booked for whatever the label attached to being drunk and throwing hot spaghetti sauce onto a server and then running out on your check. Not to mention the medical bills that followed.

-Gregory

Dear anyone that eats at a restaurant. I can not leave until you leave. Please don’t stay here for 5 hours. I do not get payed hourly and my shift ended 2 hours ago.

-Brittney