Archive for the ‘Stories’ Category

My level of bullshit tolerance with clients is considered zen. I’m practically a Buddha at this point.

-Greg

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I work at a national chain restaurant. A woman came in with her three small, unruly children. I greet the table with a smile but before I am able to get anything out of my mouth she says: “I have 30 dollars. That’s all. You need to make sure that the bill isn’t over 30 dollars and we all need to eat and have ice cream.”

Ummm are you kidding me? How the hell is that MY responsibility?! Great, so I am clearly not getting a tip and now I have to do math on top of it. It ended up being one of the most difficult dinner/dessert service of my life (complete with MANY substitutions, send backs, and my manager having to comp due to her dissatisfaction) the bill came to $29.84…AND SHE HAD THE NERVE TO LEAVE THE CHANGE ON THE TABLE.

-Raleigh

Ugh I hate this conversation……

Customer: “uuuhh excuse me gurl, can I axe you a question?”

Me: “Yes ma’am?”

Customer: “If I was to be orderin my Long Island iced tea wif light ice dats means I get more alcohol rightttt?”

Me: (what I am thinking) “No you don’t get any more fucking alcohol you cheap asshole, and go tell all your ghetto friends that isn’t how it works anywhere on the fucking planet, we don’t just replace water with booze!”

(What I said) “No sorry ma’am the drink will be served in a smaller glass”

FML

-Brittany

Confetti Makers – People who find any little bits of paper on the table and tear them into tiny ass chunks, leaving a mess. Do you do this at home? Would you like your house guests to do this? This goes for people who peel labels off bottles…Are you nervous? Do you break out in OCD every time you are in a social environment? Is your company boring? WTF is going on with this? This rant is inspired by a table that literally made a mountain of ripped up coasters in the middle of the table. I didn’t even give them that many coasters to make a pile so big…

-Daniel

How do you gracefully cut off your own mother when she has had too much to drink…Bartender problems.

-Chase

Our District Manager is such a creepy mouth-breather…. whenever he comes by, he stays the whole day and just walks around breathing down everyone’s neck and talks in this child molester voice and asks a billion questions at once: “Hey gal! How’s it going today? All your food coming out alright? Everything going okay? Have you tried our new dish? Been personalizing drink orders? Been giving great service? Have you been PERSONALIZING YOUR SERVICE?”

personalize my service… how about I personalize your face?

– Chrissy

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Jeremie_Calo_and_Tiffani_Lynn_Barganier1

You came into the restaurant today, mother and daughter, and you sat in my booth. You ordered steaks, one medium-well and the other well done. You both wanted broccoli and mashed potatoes, and I was happy to oblige.
I got a little busy, so my manager ran the steaks to your table. I ran by a minute later as you were eating and made sure that everything was okay. You said it was. Great, everyone’s happy.
I run the bill, you say everything was fine.
I come back to collect the bill and you stop me before I open it, though I see the corner of a dollar bill, so I know you’re paying in cash. “Do you want any change?” I asked, and you smiled and shook your head.
“No thank you,” you said. “But you should know, you switched our steaks.” You pointed at the single, bite-sized piece of steak left and scowled. It had the slightest hint of pink. “That is raw. I know there’s nothing to be done about it now, just thought you should know.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” What else could I say? You had cut into your steaks when I checked on you earlier. You were eating them. You were too stupid to switch your plates. “Can I do anything for you?”
“No thank you. Have a nice day!”
“You, too.”
So I walked away and went back to process your payment as you walked out the door.
You left me fifteen cents on $25 because you were too stupid to switch your plates.
You left me fifteen cents. I paid to wait on your stupid asses.

I thought that I had hit the low for customers, but this industry never ceases to shock and amaze.

-Hanna

I’m a chef that works at a casino (multiple food outlets) any ways one of the outlets is a buffet. We get some of the worst penny pinching people I have ever met in my entire life.

This one guy comes in every Saturday lunch with a group of lackeys. He is a short fat balding man who wears a god awful tupe. Any ways its a buffet as I mentioned and the food offerings change daily, nut without fail he will come up and request a heap of food we don’t have. Piss off all the waitresses and send his food back, or try to get it comped.

He also does this thing where he gets up and fills a plate of food to the absolute fucking top and then asks it to be wrapped in foil. So i pop out to my head chef and tell him whats going on and he says “oh hes been doing it for years apparently its for his son, who is sick.”

This guys been doing this for years YEARS. should of seen him the day they told him he had to stop taking free food home. Never seen a double chin wobble so hard.

-Caesar

Woman: I’d like the grilled salmon. Me: I’m sorry, unfortunately we’re out of salmon for tonight but we…

At this point I’m cut off as the woman looks up from her menu and says…

“What do you expect vegetarians to eat then?”

The look in her eye told me she wasn’t joking when she asked the question. I almost just gave the woman a ‘wat?’ but caught myself and directed her to the middle top portion of our menu where the fish and shellfish selections are located, thinking that maybe she thinks pescatarian and vegetarian are synonymous.

“I don’t eat fish or shellfish”

I’m just dumbfounded at this point and can only manage to say “Oh”. At which point, she throws her hands up in a fit and exasperates “I’ll just take the spinach dip”.

Crown gem after all of that was her question of “Can you just put a rush on that?” as she looks at the packed restaurant in the background.

I’m still not sure what she thinks salmon is; if she thinks it’s grown from the ground, picked from a tree or is just a conglomeration of other vegetables in the shape of a piece of fish.

Best five bucks on a $70 check I ever earned.

-Art