Posts Tagged ‘Bars’

Last New Years Eve a guy trying to impress two chicks ordered three bottles of our most expensive champagne ($600 a bottle) and paid on card. He asked us to open all three, then changed his mind and asked us to keep two open bottles in the fridge for later and then took one over to the ladies who were all over him like a rash.

He was already so drunk that he forgot about the other two bottles. At the end of the night, he took one of girls home and left without reminding us of the other bottles.

So, not wanting to waste any champagne, my two bar buddies and I proceeded to drink two magnums (seeing as they were already paid for) whilst cleaning up the bar and had a great night. Never saw the guy again, but THANKS, YOU MADE OUR NIGHT.


Guest: “I want a virgin margaritas on the rocks.”

Me: “Ok”

Guest: “This tastes like straight margarita mix!! I’m very dissatisfied! ”

Me (Thinking): “What the fuck did you think you were ordering?”


Had someone send back pita bread because… it “didn’t taste organic.” The sound of my facepalm could be heard miles away.


Do you have any STD’s, no? great, would you mind getting one?

Bartending at one of those chain restaurants. Well, one day a youngish and well-groomed guy walked in with who I assumed was a cougar. It seemed like they were on some sort of date. For about twenty minutes, all the woman did was talk about different sexual positions, ways to achieve an orgasm. Finally, she loudly approached the topic of anal sex. The young man buried his head in his hands and screamed “Mom, please stop it.” Gave him a shot on the house.


I was bartending at a chain restaurant- so all drinks are made with measured pours and follow a recipe. A server orders a margarita for a table- and she brings it back. “This guy wants me to ask you if you used anything other than juice in this drink”- she said to me. Are you for real? I went to the table to confront the dick that insulted my recipe following skills. “I’m sorry to hear you do not like our margaritas, is there something else you would like instead?”… The guy was like “No, I just want to make sure there was alcohol in my drink. Its fine, Ill just drink this – really its just fine” …… but I grabbed his drink and insisted I make him a fresh one special for him. I brought him a new drink and watched him drink it. “Wow- this is much better, thank you so much!” BTW His new special drink had zero alcohol in it this time.

Don’t fuck with me, and don’t insult me or my servers. If you don’t like your drink, don’t be rude about it to the server because she didn’t make it. Be nice and we can work something out- otherwise shut up and drink my juice.


Every pre-shift looks like a pack of barbarians that haven’t eaten in weeks….

I watched from behind the bar as a WASTED little man was trying to pick a fight with a Marine on leave.

He turned to the little guy trying to piss him off and goes, “Look, I get it. I let you hit me, you look like a hero. I beat you up, I just look like an asshole.” Pause. “I’m not afraid to look like an asshole.”

The guy sunk back and didn’t bother him for the rest of the night.


Female bartender here: please don’t call me baby, sweetie, etc. I’ll hold off serving you and make you weak drinks for the rest of the night.