Posts Tagged ‘Bartender’

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I have been bartending for years and heard all kinds of pickup lines. Sometimes I have to take a step back and realize how stupid some guys are.

Her (talking to her girlfriend): “I like a guy who shaves daily. Stubble is annoying.”

Him (interrupting the conversation): “Then you should see my balls.”

-Johnny

Our restaurant is super strict on ID ing people. I ask this foreigner for his ID and he says ok “American Girl” like that is supposed to be some intense insult….so I said yes I am an American girl and this patriot needs to see your passport or you can see yourself out of my bar. What an asshole.

-Shannon

It gets pretty crazy at the bar I work at. One day a girl got so drunk she PEED HER PANTS, there was a huge puddle on and around her chair. Our bouncer asked her to leave but she just sat there in her dirty pee pants until the bouncer made her friends carry her out! bahaha

-Jerry

I was a barback for 3 months at a VERY up scale hotel/restaurant/bar a year ago. These people were astoundingly rich, we charged people $8 a beer (minimum) and $19 for a shot of Patron and they would order them by the dozen. They thought they were invincible.

I was working one evening and it was particularly busy and the service was incredibly slow, like a “wait 10 minutes for the bartender to even glance at you” slow. Anyways, a guy comes up to me asking for another drink. I explained to him that I could not serve him because I was only a barback (it was easy to mistake people because we all wore the same uniform). It was very loud and what I thought he said back was “Can you just get me a drink of water?” So, I filled a glass up with water and gave it to the gentleman (probably around 45ish and I was 20). He immediately started screaming at me “FUCK YOU I SAID MY DRINK TASTES LIKE WATER GIVE ME ANOTHER DRINK!!” and threw the glass behind the bar  hitting one of the female bartenders in the back of the head. All of the bartenders went silent and out of nowhere one of them climbs over the bar and tackles the guy that threw the drink. Security dragged that asshole out of the bar never to be seen again.

-Daniel

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Sooo you know that awkward moment when you go on break realize that you have to sit in between the 4 other servers that you’re currently having sex with…yeah that’s happening right now.

-Lacy

I bartend. One afternoon a middle aged couple came in with an old (80?) lady they referred to as Grandma. Grandma seemed a little confused and they talked to her like she was a child. The middle aged lady made a comment about being hungry and then Grandma says very loudly, “Have you ever been so hungry you could eat the ass out of a dead skunk?” I almost fell over behind the bar I was laughing so hard.

-Trevor

I bartended for many years in NYC and have seen a plethora of lame pick-up attempts. By far the most sickening was this cheezy yuppie guy who used to work at Cantor and Fitzgerald but left a year before the towers fell. The months following 9/11, he would talk up girls and tell him his sob stories about surviving that day and the friends he lost. That crocodile even managed to bring tears to his eyes.

I charged him double and when he would chat girls up, I’d walk down to that end of the bar and say things like, “You resigned over a year ago, right?” or “Dave, where exactly were you on 9-11?”. He wasn’t even in the state at the time. My favorite pastime was cockblocking him until he stopped coming to my bar. Unforgivable!

-Brad