Posts Tagged ‘booze’

I had a woman order a shot of “Jose Swerve-Oh”…..Then proceed to tell me about her 3 DUIs


I was bartending at a chain restaurant- so all drinks are made with measured pours and follow a recipe. A server orders a margarita for a table- and she brings it back. “This guy wants me to ask you if you used anything other than juice in this drink”- she said to me. Are you for real? I went to the table to confront the dick that insulted my recipe following skills. “I’m sorry to hear you do not like our margaritas, is there something else you would like instead?”… The guy was like “No, I just want to make sure there was alcohol in my drink. Its fine, Ill just drink this – really its just fine” …… but I grabbed his drink and insisted I make him a fresh one special for him. I brought him a new drink and watched him drink it. “Wow- this is much better, thank you so much!” BTW His new special drink had zero alcohol in it this time.

Don’t fuck with me, and don’t insult me or my servers. If you don’t like your drink, don’t be rude about it to the server because she didn’t make it. Be nice and we can work something out- otherwise shut up and drink my juice.


One time when I was bartending a slow Monday night, a guy in his 40s told me I was like “the Ducks in Branson, Missouri” (What ever the fuck that means)

Then complimented my on the size of my pinkie finger,

Then proceeded to lean over the bar in attempt to smell my crotch. Quite possibly one of the strangest, grossest, and most unsuccessful pickup endeavors I’ve ever experienced. ewww.


Was working a busy night at Buffalo Wild Wings, our female bartender went into the restroom and opened a stall that wasn’t locked and there was a lady playing Dj-Hero on herself completely naked.

The best part is she was sitting at the bar, the bartender quickly left and the lady went and sat back down and stayed for about an hour after the whole thing went down. I’m sure it was the most awkward one hour of that bartenders life.


A while ago I got sat a single kid who was 18 tops. He asked for a beer so I asked for I.D. he claimed he didn’t have any so I told him I couldn’t serve him any booze. He left  and came back a few minutes later with a soda from Mcdonald’s and through it at our front window…….My manager made me clean it up.

Somebody please just shoot me.


In honor of Spring Break here is a mash-up of party fails:


Click the picture to view gallery

Click the picture to view gallery