Posts Tagged ‘gross’

One time when I was bartending a slow Monday night, a guy in his 40s told me I was like “the Ducks in Branson, Missouri” (What ever the fuck that means)

Then complimented my on the size of my pinkie finger,

Then proceeded to lean over the bar in attempt to smell my crotch. Quite possibly one of the strangest, grossest, and most unsuccessful pickup endeavors I’ve ever experienced. ewww.


Now that I’ve worked in a restaurant, I never ask for lemon in a drink. Everybody touches them. Nobody washes them. We just peel the stickers off, cut them up, and throw them in your iced tea…


We have a whale tail spotting, unfortunately he is 50, balding, and has a very hairy back.


Photo Stories thong

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Public Service Announcement: when your child is vomiting in a restaurant, hold a cup to their mouth and take them to the bathroom. Dump your Pepsi on the floor, I don’t care. Do what you gotta do. But don’t ask your waitress for “a towel and maybe a bucket.” That is NOT going to become my problem.

– Bri

I walk up to my table to find my customer breastfeeding her kid in the middle of the restaurant, straight boob out for everyone to see! Shameless! At least cover it up!


I had a creepy foreign family in my section last night. They yelled at each other the entire time in some kind of Eastern European language and ordered in broken English. They ordered a chocolate cake for dessert and the youngest member of the family took it upon himself to “make” me (their waiter) a present. This creepy little foreign shit licks the remain chocolate on the plate into the shape of a heart.



The family left without leaving a tip. I guess they thought letting their youngest son tongue the fuck out of a plate was enough gratuity for me….I hate foreigners.


Today is National Ranch Dressing Day. Every waiter and waitress cringes at the sight ranch dressing.

Even mentioning extra ranch in to someone in the food service industry inspires the image of a fat, needy patron sucking down diet coke and dripping cellulite all over the restaurant. I don’t know what the connection between loving ranch dressing and sucking at life is…but it exists and everyone here at BreakRoomStories thought it would be fun to devote today to shaming all those ranch guzzling douche-bags.

Table Change

Posted: March 20, 2013 in Gross, Stories
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I bus tables and hostess at an upscale diner. About a month into working there, during a regular weekday lunch shift, a family of three walked in and I sat them at a two-top (with an extra chair for the baby carrier) beside an empty four-top.

The mother pulled out two chairs from the table beside theirs and proceeded to change her filthy spawn right there. RIGHT THERE. In the corner of the goddamn dining area. I spent about fifteen minutes after they left just sanitising the entire two tables and all the chairs.

People are super icky.

– Dennis

Remember Your Manners

Posted: January 30, 2013 in Gross, Stories
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Come on people, you’re in public around other human beings. Sucking on your fingers, scraping silverware and smacking your food? I know your momma didn’t raise you to eat like a barbarian.

– Jack

Flu Season

Posted: January 17, 2013 in Gross, Stories
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It’s flu season. I have the flu. Last shift I showed up even though I was sick. Mid way through the shift I went down hill fast, I felt like I was going to throw up. I told my manager I needed to go home and he said sorry we are slammed you have to stay. No more than 5 minutes later I had to run to the bathroom and puke. I told him I just threw up and I needed to go home, the asshole just shrugged gave me a mint and said tough…..I quit and walked out.