Posts Tagged ‘how to be a bartender’

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Every pre-shift looks like a pack of barbarians that haven’t eaten in weeks….

One of the funniest things I see as a female bartender is when men try to show how “manly” they are by drinking waaaay to much, and then puking…


Anyway, I WISH I had been there to witness what happened last night, but I only heard from another coworker so I can’t be as detailed as I’d like to be.

Last night, a man came into our bar and had two shots of Maker’s Mark…paid his bill….and got drunk…

The man got drunk off of TWO SHOTS!…. and then proceeded to puke EVERYWHERE….and the ambulance was called.

Today, he came back in the restaurant because we had his credit card and went up to one of our bartenders, Angelic, who just happened to be the one serving him last night. He said, “Man… I don’t remember ANYTHING from last night. The last thing I clearly remember doing was signing my credit card receipt.”

Angelic: “Well, sir, you had two shots of Maker’s Mark, puked all over my bar, passed out, and then I had to call an ambulance for you.”


Sign 1 that you never grew a pair…..


I work at this upscale bar inside a hotel were we get weird locals and elite guests whom we have as regulars. So in other words we deal with douche bags all the time. I have a regular who thinks being high maintenance is funny and thinks he can make up by always tipping 30%. Dumb asshole.

He always asks for me unfortunately.

So anyway one day he asked me if I had ever ask the pizza guys to draw me a dinosaur on the box of the pizza before. I answered NO! I would never do that unless I have a hundred dollar bill to tip them with.

There was a young guy next to him whom interrupted, thank god. And later that Saturday night came back and tipped me 300$ just for putting up with that asshole!


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One of my first few nights working in a busy nightclub and a hockey game lets out. Everyone is already hammered coming in the door and we’re getting run over.

I run downstairs to an employee-only area to get some back stock, and I find this guy propped up against a wall, dick out, peeing all over our paper supply shelf (napkins, silverware wraps, towels, etcetera). I yell, “ARE YOU SERIOUS.” He looks up at me, dick still in his hand, and screams back “YEP.” He stuffs it in his pants and tries to bolt, but he’s so dunk that he eats shit down the stairs and knocks himself out. The paramedics had to take him out of there!


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I’m a server/bartender. It’s a busy night, most of my bar is full. I see a group of dudes staggering in, clearly quite hammered. They’re all wearing hockey jerseys so I assume victory drinks were being had or sorrows were being drowned. I refuse to serve them (not to be an asshole; we could lose our license if one of these idiots takes a sip and then cracks his head on the bar…) which doesn’t go down so well. After a few mandatory derogatory comments, the alpha tells me to kindly fuck myself and proceeds to grab an almost full pint from the nearest customer. Customer is protesting, alpha’s buddies are cheering. Unsurprisingly, alpha starts to chug.

People are beginning to notice the commotion, throwing disdainful looks in every direction, I step out to try and grab the glass. Alpha’s almost finished the entire drink as I’m reaching when suddenly his stomach decides to reject his offering. This champ fucking vomits most of the drink back up into the glass, attempts to place it on the bar and smashes it, sending shards of glass and second hand alcohol in every direction (the owner of the drink was absolutely covered in shit). This does nothing but delight the hockey fans and they grin and cheer, tell me how to avoid this situation in future and walk out, exchanging obligatory high fives. I close the bar and start driving home. On the way I see the Alpha handcuffed and bent over a cop car. Karma!