Posts Tagged ‘how to be a waitress’

Every time this regular comes in, he rustles my damn jimmies by just flat out refusing to speak to me until he absolutely must. He’ll walk in, I’ll give him a big smile and say something friendly like “Afternoon sir, good to see you again” or whatever… and he’ll sort of glance at me and walk past me and start looking around the restaurant, checking for his friends or deciding what table he wants. I’ll go, “Joining us for lunch? How many in your party today?” And he’ll shrug without looking at me and wander towards his favorite table.

If I’m really lucky, sometimes he’ll hold up a number of fingers to indicate how many friends he’s expecting. If he’s getting takeout, he’ll ignore my greeting and stick his head over the counter to where we have the specials posted in the wait station (for the staff’s use – we have them posted very obviously in a convenient spot outside for customers). Not a word from him until he’s ready to order. And he never acts particularly cranky… the vibe is very clearly just “you’re beneath me, I don’t need to talk to you.” So damn rude.



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I had a nightmare 6 top tonight. They sent everything back, spilled 3 drinks, and were incredibly rude. At the end of the ordeal they tipped $3.24 on a $176.00 tab. $3.24! Then they camped at the table for an hour. As I walked past their table one of the women asked if I could take a picture with her phone…ugh I still said yes and she handed me the phone. Instead of the camera coming up her camera screen her galley came up and there were tons of dirty pictures. So I pretended to take a few pictures but instead I was uploading the pictures straight to facbook, oooops.


Am I the only waitress out there that gets irrationally pissed off when a party brings in a giant birthday cake and they don’t offer me a slice?


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I had just made the rounds and was in the staff area, tidying and making sure my water pitchers were filled, and one of my coworkers (marked as JB) comes flying through the kitchen and collapses on one of the extra chairs we kept stacked there.

Now, JB was only seventeen at the time, and he was pretty new at waiting tables, and he was absolutely terrified, eyes wide, shaking like a leaf. I pour him a glass of water and ask him what the hell happened.

JB: “I was getting B7’s drink order from the bar, and one of the guests backed her chair right into me, and I dropped the whole thing on her and her fur coat.”

Me: “Please tell me it was white wine.”

JB: “All red. God, the floor manager is going to kill me. Can I hide here for a bit?”

I tell him to catch his breath and keep an eye on the lodge room for me, and I go to scope out the scene of the crime. I get halfway through the kitchen and I start to hear the screaming. Fur coat lady is kicking up such a fuss that the entire BOH has emptied and they’re furtively taking a look at the scene unfolding before them.

The floor manager is trying to calm her down, and figure out what to do. She’s screaming at him about how we’re going to have to pay for the cleaning, and she’s going to sue, and yadda yadda.

Floor Manager: “I’m terribly sorry this happened, but we are particularly busy tonight. Did our hostess not give you the option to check your coat?”

Fur coat lady: “Are you fucking retarded? I’m not going to trust my fur coat to a fucking (insert racial slur)

Floor manager: “Look lady, I saw you back your chair into JB, and now you’re admitting that you refused to check your coat. You can take your shit and get out of my dining room.”

The fur coat lady then throws her glass at the floor manager and stomps out screaming. JB was forgiven, and we never saw her again. From what I heard through the rumor mill, her club account got canceled and she’s forever blacklisted from the establishment.


stolen pens

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Don’t mistake my perky waitress voice for me actually liking you….I get paid to deal with creeps like you!

– Laura

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Two women come in for a power lunch at Buzzard Billy’s, not the place I would have chosen for a business lunch, but whatever.

I greet them and they’re both very nice. Over the course of 2 hours, they order appetizers, entrees, drinks, desserts, and a more drinks. Their bill came up to about $250 for the two of them.

At the end of the meal they asked me to split their enormous check, which I did graciously since it was a large bill and was expecting a good tip. I hand them them bills and walk back to the kitchen expecting them to whip out corporate cards and pay. I come back to the table to discover them 1) gone, 2) they’d both paid by check (which we didn’t accept) 3) they had both rounded up to the next dollar for the tip.

My boss demanded I cover their bill.

I took my apron off and left.

– Michael