I have been bartending for years and heard all kinds of pickup lines. Sometimes I have to take a step back and realize how stupid some guys are.
Her (talking to her girlfriend): “I like a guy who shaves daily. Stubble is annoying.”
Him (interrupting the conversation): “Then you should see my balls.”
-Johnny
Do you have any STD’s, no? great, would you mind getting one?
I served 2 older ladies today. They asked me a bunch of personal questions and I played along cause I was trying to stack that tip. The last question they asked was, “are you single?” I said, “as single as it gets.” When I came back with the bill they said, “son, you’re 24 and you’re decently good looking, so we just took a picture of you and signed you up for a few dating sites and match sites, here’s the email we used.” They handed me a piece of paper that had an email…LongandStrong4441@gmail.com and a password for 3 dating sites…I was speechless.
-Mark
The restaurant I work at forces us girls to wear spandex shorts. today a very very drunk man was apparently looking at my ass the entire time he was there. He stops me on the way to the bar and says, “hey hey I….just gots to say…gurl dyamm..dat asss…i mean your buttcheeks….shoot ah….you got some powerful looking buttcheeks ma’am…keep it up.” dude wtf does that mean!? Powerful looking buttcheeks? Should I be sad?
-Alexis
Watched a chick at my bar last night go up to five different guys and say “You looked at me, now you gonna buy me a drink?” and in amazement, I watched as they bought her drinks.
-David
I (21 yrs old) was waiting the lunch shift for a group of older (70-80 yrs old) women. It’s maybe 1pm and they are all visibly hammered off the margaritas they have been drinking for an hour. They finally are ready to eat, so I begin taking their order. One of them ordered catfish. I asked if she would like it fried, grilled or blackened. The woman sitting next to her needles her elbow into her side and says “You have always liked it black”. They all start laughing. I play it off and laugh a little too. I then ask her what two sides she would like with it. She focuses her eyes and stares at me very seriously. “I’ll take you and that one over there with the beard” while motioning towards my waiter bud Chris. I had been hit on occasionally while working there, but never so blatantly and never by anyone who was the same age as my grandmother. Suffice to say, every time I returned to the table, there was loud talk going on, almost exclusively about sex, sex toys and who in the restaurant they would fuck.
Old drunk ladies are pervy…
-Joe
