Posts Tagged ‘server stories’

So this woman wanted a tuna sandwich. You know, everyday tuna on the bread with some vegetables. I scoop, I spread. Suddenly she flips her shit, waving her arms, pointing at the glass. Yeah, who knew drunken banshees loved tuna…in balls.

That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, she didn’t want her tuna spread like a normal human being would.

“I want my tuna in balls!” she cried. “In baaalllsss! That looks nasty, I don’t want it spread on dat bread. I want balls!”

And in the back of my head, dear readers, I think: You want a cucumber and a condom with that too?

-Var

I worked at an all night diner next to a string of bars. Once I had a drunk guy throw a hot plate of spaghetti at me and it hit its target, my face. I was so mad that while my face was blistering I didn’t even notice. I looked over at the manager and he just shot me one of those “Fuck it” looks. So I chased the guy out of the joint and down the street where he stumbled and fell to the ground face first knocking out a few of his front teeth and fucking up his lip pretty good. I wanted so badly to just beat the shit out of him but several of the regulars had followed us out into the street and stopped me before I could touch him. Definitely for the best. The guy ended up getting booked for whatever the label attached to being drunk and throwing hot spaghetti sauce onto a server and then running out on your check. Not to mention the medical bills that followed.

-Gregory

My last job my co-workers and I were talking about who we thought was cute and how had the cutest butt.  Girl talk of course.  I happened to mention that I thought our store manager had a cute butt.  Next time I saw him I just started giggling.  He asked me what was so funny, I told him he didn’t want to know.  He insisted that he did.  So, I told him I thought he had a cute butt.  He immediately turned and walked away with a bright red face.  This is a man who always has a come back for everything.  He avoided me for a long time.  Someone finally told his boss about it, all he did was laugh and wished he could have been there to see him speechless because it never happened before.  I ended up hooking up with him later that month haha!

-Cheri

That awkward shift when your section is right next to the co-worker you had sex with last night at a work party…

-Katie

I hate when people are standing in the middle of a pathway/in a doorway/in an outer corner where I am running food/drinks/extra ranch……MOVE bitch. Get out the way. Get out the way fo I run you over with this tray.

-Ileen

When there are clean open tables throughout the restaurant, why in Gods name do you INSIST on picking the only dirty table in the restaurant, and then get pissy when you ask us to clean it off?

-Bri

I am a host and its my job to make sure the restroom is clean. Today a man walks to the counter and tells me the bathroom is dirty. I walk into the bathroom and there is a pair of tighty whitys with a GIANT shit stain on them sitting right next to the toilet…. awesome.

-Trevor

Breakfast server here: Today two broke ass looking girls got sat at my table. I grab the coffee pot assuming these ratchets are going to need some caffeine. As I approach the table mess #1 says to mess #2 “I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?” I tried so hard not to laugh as I asked if they wanted coffee.

-John

Me: “Will you be having dessert this evening?”

Old Man: “I was going to ask for sex but I assume that isn’t on the menu….is it?”

Me: “Just a minute, I’ll ask our 6’5″ chef Hugo if he’s got any in the back.”

-Kylie