Posts Tagged ‘stupid customers’

I had just made the rounds and was in the staff area, tidying and making sure my water pitchers were filled, and one of my coworkers (marked as JB) comes flying through the kitchen and collapses on one of the extra chairs we kept stacked there.

Now, JB was only seventeen at the time, and he was pretty new at waiting tables, and he was absolutely terrified, eyes wide, shaking like a leaf. I pour him a glass of water and ask him what the hell happened.

JB: “I was getting B7’s drink order from the bar, and one of the guests backed her chair right into me, and I dropped the whole thing on her and her fur coat.”

Me: “Please tell me it was white wine.”

JB: “All red. God, the floor manager is going to kill me. Can I hide here for a bit?”

I tell him to catch his breath and keep an eye on the lodge room for me, and I go to scope out the scene of the crime. I get halfway through the kitchen and I start to hear the screaming. Fur coat lady is kicking up such a fuss that the entire BOH has emptied and they’re furtively taking a look at the scene unfolding before them.

The floor manager is trying to calm her down, and figure out what to do. She’s screaming at him about how we’re going to have to pay for the cleaning, and she’s going to sue, and yadda yadda.

Floor Manager: “I’m terribly sorry this happened, but we are particularly busy tonight. Did our hostess not give you the option to check your coat?”

Fur coat lady: “Are you fucking retarded? I’m not going to trust my fur coat to a fucking (insert racial slur)

Floor manager: “Look lady, I saw you back your chair into JB, and now you’re admitting that you refused to check your coat. You can take your shit and get out of my dining room.”

The fur coat lady then throws her glass at the floor manager and stomps out screaming. JB was forgiven, and we never saw her again. From what I heard through the rumor mill, her club account got canceled and she’s forever blacklisted from the establishment.


– “Can I start you off with any $5 cocktails, maybe any flavored teas or lemonades?” “No, I’ll just take a water with extra lemon” – AKA I’m not getting a tip

– “I wanna sit over there…in THAT booth”

– “Can you get me a refill” “Yeah sure!” *brings refill back* “Can you get me some ranch?” “Of course” *brings refill back* “Can I get another refill?” (This can go on forever)

– Table keeps on flagging you down because they’re ready to order….then don’t know what they want.

– “I only drink BAR water…I’m kind of a water snob”

– “We’re just going to sit here and catch up….” AKA let’s just stay in the restaurant until they close

– People who leave tips in half cash, half credit.

– “I want what I had last time…but I don’t remember what is in it”

– Whitney

When I bring the bill and the customer says….”I didn’t order that” I want to drop kick them straight in the face.


“I want my steak well done, not burnt, still juicy, but wellllll done! You hear me child?”- Yeah I hear you sounding retarded as fuck.


Diet Coke

Posted: September 29, 2013 in Gross, Stories
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Just because its DIET Coke doesn’t make it OK for you to drink 11 of them.


You know those tables where you bend over backward: go back and forth 20 times to get every last random thing they ask for (ie wheat toast to precede steak and lobster, 7 sides of ranch, a unicorn turd on a stick, etc.), substitute up the ying, refire meals, fetch gallons of soda refills . . . Of course all with your best shit-eatin’ grin and sunny attitude? And then when they’re done you are *genuinely* pleasantly surprised to receive an 8% tip because you were sure it was gonna be 5% or nothing?  Yeah. Fuck those tables.