Posts Tagged ‘waitress stories’

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Every time this regular comes in, he rustles my damn jimmies by just flat out refusing to speak to me until he absolutely must. He’ll walk in, I’ll give him a big smile and say something friendly like “Afternoon sir, good to see you again” or whatever… and he’ll sort of glance at me and walk past me and start looking around the restaurant, checking for his friends or deciding what table he wants. I’ll go, “Joining us for lunch? How many in your party today?” And he’ll shrug without looking at me and wander towards his favorite table.

If I’m really lucky, sometimes he’ll hold up a number of fingers to indicate how many friends he’s expecting. If he’s getting takeout, he’ll ignore my greeting and stick his head over the counter to where we have the specials posted in the wait station (for the staff’s use – we have them posted very obviously in a convenient spot outside for customers). Not a word from him until he’s ready to order. And he never acts particularly cranky… the vibe is very clearly just “you’re beneath me, I don’t need to talk to you.” So damn rude.


Ok so Sunday I had this family at a table. 5 little boys and their parents. The first four little boys all ordered soda, and then the last little boy ordered a water. While he was ordering his dad interrupted by sternly saying that he had made poor choices last night so he only gets water. Without missing a beat I looked him straight in the eye and said I completely understand, when I make poor choices I drink a lot of water the next day too ; )


While I was working tonight I was thinking about the fact that I have had sex with the owner on about every square foot of the restaurant :)

Sorry not sorry


The customer in question approached the register (I was cashiering that day), saw my name-tag, and the following occurred:

BitchWoman: Do you pronounce your name ‘Kel-yay’?

Me: It’s Kellye. (Like, you know, “Kelly”)

BitchWoman: Wow, your parents really fucked you over with that spelling!


I’m from the south and have a bad habit of saying “you guys” on accident sometimes. Said it to two middle aged ladies one time when getting drinks and next thing I know they are leaving and one of them is crying. Apparently the crying one had cancer and was insecure about her femininity after losing her hair (she was wearing a wig.) How was I suppose to know?!?


I just crop dusted half the restaurant on my way to the kitchen.


While delivering food to another servers’ table, I walked up on this table of 7 middle-aged business-type ladies whom were passing around numerous pictures of boobs. Shots just of the boobs, nothing else. All types, nice ones, odd ones, large and small. Half the pics were perfect racks. They didn’t notice my approach, and all seemed very excited.

ahem¬†“Ladies, hot plates!”

With a few shrieks they immediately began shuffling the pictures away while awkwardly laughing, looking embarrassed and blushing hard.

“Nothing I haven’t seen before, ladies” trying to put down these fucking hot plates/ease thier embarrasment. Turns out they were before and after shots of thier boob-jobs. They said one of them (and pointed to her) was thinking about getting one and they were convincing her. She almost slid under the table with embarrassment.